So

I really

really

really

really

really

really

(you get the idea)

like someone. But I'm afraid they don't feel the same. I hate it. I feel like I NEED them...every morning I make sure I'm at school on time just because first period is the ONLY time all day I'm guaranteed to see them. Which is totally ridiculous for me...I'm known for being late to first period ALL THE TIME. lol. Ugh...

Swimming conditioning started...my coach, who is an ex-navy seal, is being strangely nice this year. The workout is still ridiculously hard (he's an ex-navy seal...duh), but he's being waaaaaaayyyyy nicer than I've ever known him to be in the 5 years I've known him. I think it's because he doesn't want to lose anyone (big turnout). But yeah, mah abs hurt all weekend. All bettar nao though.

In Final Fantasy XI, I capped COR job merits (which is really big :3).
I beat Chains of Promathia (also huge)
I finally did Rize of Zilart (meh...total joke)
I got Nyzul Isle Floor 100 (big)
Currently working on finishing other merits and getting moar 1337 gear.

Soooooooo..........
It's been a while.

My stupid mistake from the last entry doesn't seem so stupid anymore. I'm still not going into detail, but the person has kept their word and not told anyone at all. Before I did anything we were strangers, but now we're semi-close. Swimming has been over for a few months now.. and I feel it. Haha, I'm ready to swim again...seriously. Swimming is the only thing that keeps me in shape..haha. <.<

I've got a big decision to make before friday..and idk what to do...but I can't go into detail...
Geeze..my life is so interesting, right?

School is awesome...but schoolwork is teh ghey...but it's almost over. Idk whether to be excited or sad. :<

I found an AMAZING band! They're "A Skylit Drive"~ I just recently bought their album "Wires and the Concept of Breathing" and omg it's crazy. I'm in love...

In Final Fantasy XI, my life away from life, I hit COR75 a few months ago (max level) and I've been working getting on 1337 gearz and meriting it (making it better). Still having in-game money problems, as usual. I'm bad with money..I WANT TO SPEND IT NAO!!!!!!11 srsly...I will sit for hours LOOKING for something to buy when I have money.. <.<

Anyways...I be out...yo? lawl

Eh
Not much has changed in my life...
but....

Swimming is almost over!!!!!
I hate swimming so much @.@
I just have two meets and sectionals to go!!!!!!
Swimming is sooooooooo boring. I dread going to swim practice everyday
because it is so draining both mentally and physically. The only people
you can talk to the entire two hours of practice are the voices that
may be inside your head depending on your sanity level. I usually
think of a song..or of about a person...but it's still soooo boring.
Nearly every day I come home exhausted and I'm sore the next day.
Swimming is such a hard sport and I hate it. Our guys swim team only
has 8 members...so we lose every meet just because we don't have
enough people. XD

I started leveling Corsair on FFXI...at level 51/75 XD...lol
I really really really like it, but it's such an expensive job to play.
My goal is to be 75 before the end of the summer.... (long time..but
exp gets so slow after 60 and I don't play often enough @.@)


Over the weekend I did something really really stupid...but I'm not going into detail here....

I'm finally happy again~! :3

-I've been sorta falling for someone new...
-Me and my last girlfriend have just made up and are back to being friends (if the awkwardness doesn't kill us first)
-I'm able to laugh and enjoy school more
-I'm getting WAY better at drawing~!
-My digital art is getting better too~! >
-I've recently hit level 75 Thief on FFXI (that's the highest possible level) and I'm excited to start leveling Corsair and meriting/bettering my Thief~!
-I've won my dad's challenge of getting level 75 before he comes back from Iraq (1-2 weeks from now!)

Life is great

PS. I hate how the featured deviation get's blurred...

I'm so confused right now. Me and my girlfriend just split and one minute I want to be friends the next I'm ready to explode. I'm so stressed out and I feel my depression rolling in again. Just typing this far is making me tear. I feel worthless. I'm shy and get nervous around people and I bottle up my emotions. I just wish I had someone I trusted enough to spill out my guts to.